Real talk, my friend: does fear ever hold you back from going for what you want? Or keep you stuck because you don’t want to put yourself in the position to fail?
Or you’re not exactly sure of the next steps… or you don’t know how to do things “right” or perfectly?
Yup. All normal.
It’s something that I wish I learned a little sooner than I did: that feeling fear isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Especially in the pursuit of a meaningful life……it’s actually just a very normal thing. A part of the game, that can actually be a good thing for us.
For me, the things that I’m the most proud of in my life: my business, my babies and my marriage– all of them took giant leaps of faith. And trust in myself that I could figure anything out down the road that I needed to. And looking at fear square in the eye, instead of running away.
But sometimes, it can be confusing whether the voices in our head– our fears— are real and legitimate. Or if they’re just trying to keep us protected and comfortable all the time.
So, how can we tell the difference? How do we know what we really should do, and what voices inside of us to listen to and which ones to push past and ignore?
I heard on a podcast recently (Glennon Doyle’s We Can Do Hard Things podcast) that when you have both fear and longing about the same thing, always listen to the longing.
But when you feel fear but have NO longing about something, that’s when you listen to and follow the fear. If the idea of starting a business terrifies you, and you have zero desire or dream or tiny part of longing in your soul to be your own boss, set your own schedule, and put your magic in to the world to help others, etc, that would be listening to your intuition. Because there is no tiny bit of longing in there. In that case, fear is clearly speaking and it all feels good to your heart.
But sometimes we do this thing where we DO actually deeply desire something. But we get in our own way. We make up excuses. We tell ourselves that only other “special” people are worthy of that thing. That they have something we don’t have. Or that we’re not (fill in the blank) enough: old enough, young enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, etc. We convince ourselves that there are too many obstacles, we don’t know they way around them, and that’s that. This kind of fear has a name. And it’s called imposter syndrome.
We think everyone else knows more, deserves more, or is better than us.
And it makes us give up right before things start to get really really good.
If I could share just one thing with other women that has helped me through the years, it’s that all the magic lies on the other side of made-up fear.
It’s not even about the final destination or the “thing” you’re desiring sometimes, its about who you become on that journey of pursuing the desires in your heart.
So… today I wanted to share some other ways that have helped me SLAY the fearful (unhelpful) thoughts when they pop up in life. Try them out next time. They always help me catch myself in lies to myself (lol), and step forward into my dreams.
To feel the fear, and then do it anyways.
It’s my favorite quote of all time for good reason.
5 ways to cure imposter syndrome & stop letting fear get in the way of your big dreams:
1. Keep your eyes on your own paper!
If I could give one piece of business advice specifically, this would be it. Stop following what other people are doing. I know, you’re telling yourself you’re getting “inspiration” or doing market research. Or you’re genuinely interested in the subject, so you like learning more about it. But at a certain point it’s actually more harmful than helpful. Most likely you’re comparing yourself to someone who’s been doing their thing for YEARS, so the comparison just isn’t helpful.
Instead, start your own journey. Keep your head down. Tune in to yourself and your own why, instead of what other people are doing.
2. Adopt an abundance mentality.
This means that you no longer tell yourself things like, ‘Oh, too many people are already doing that, there’s no room for me,’ or, ‘Why would I be any different?’ Instead, you abide by the idea that there is NO LIMIT to the amount of people out there who need help. And every person will be attracted to something different in who they choose to get that help from.
So, be you. Be the most YOU you can. People are attracted and resonate with honesty & vulnerability, not you trying to be like other people out there. There is more than enough to go around. Always.
3. Stop looking and start doing.
The best action is any action– messy and imperfect. Because that’s where you actually learn, not from sitting on the sidelines. The best entrepreneurs are the ones who fully jump in and just try things– fully. And without making it mean anything when something doesn’t work as planned. You gain so much wisdom, confidence and grit when you get out there. Even tiny steps count.
4. If it makes you feel uncomfortable or nervous, good.
Remember, it isn’t fear that’s the red flag. Fear is GOOD for you. It’s natural. It’s a way for your body and mind to register, ‘This feels different. This is new. This is something we’re not used to…’ and that can ring some alarm bells. But if you fear it and long for it, then keep moving toward it. The discomfort, the nerves– those all subside with action and momentum. So keep going.
5. Know that it’s a disservice to others to keep your work, magic, your light & your gifts to yourself.
Think about that one. Don’t be selfish by holding in your magic, the unique and completely one-of-a-kind way YOU can serve others, with your own blend of experiences, education, stories & knowledge.
We are each put on this earth to help, to serve and to make the world a better place in some capacity or another. And we each have unique gifts. We need each other to thrive. And we need to be bold enough to put our gifts out there.
Very nice article, Thank you very much.