I was working out this morning, after 3-4 days of taking a total break. With so many work events, packing up to move, and just general life stuff, and the last week has just been insane.
Needless to say, I was so excited to be in class this morning. Thankful purely that #1) I can (thank you healthy little pain-free body) and #2) I make this a normal part of my day, most days. MOVING, breathing, and sweating.
I looked up in the mirror and had to laugh at myself.
Wait– this is me? Thinking about workouts with such an ease and grace to it? Not freaking out that it’s been 3-4 days or a week or whatever since I’ve done a good one?
Because truth: I used to be so CRAZY about them: they had to be so intense/punishing every day, and I would literally miss precious sleep and time with my friends and family, to make sure I did that instead. To be “healthy”.
But what I didn’t know then? It wasn’t so pure. Because behind all of that, was FEAR. And GUILT. Of what would happen if I stopped. Of getting fat. Of not being attractive. Of “letting myself go”..
And really honestly? Trying to change my feminine lil body to be “leaner” and “more toned”. More intense and hard, essentially.
It was only about that moment. That day. How hard I could push myself, to burn the most or feel better in my lulus or skinny jeans.
It was NEVER about longevity. Or being kind to my body, and being in it for the long haul.
I had to laugh today because while I still do something active most days– there’s a lot more yoga/weights happening than hour long spin classes & intense boot camps daily. And- I literally look the same. I even weigh a little less now, although WHO THE F CARES?!
All that time and pushing. All that fear. All that insecurity.
But what I’ve come to realize? It’s all an inside job anyways.
That being truly healthy is BEYOND all of those things, especially if you have a mentality of being healthy for your whole life.
Personally? I wanna be a glowing and feisty little 80 year old who’s so in tune with being a womanly woman and light-giver, and full of love.
And someone who encourages others — of all ages– to do the same. To be themselves and live their lives so fully and juicily– and with a little more wisdom and celebration and awe, instead of rushing hard and fast to the finish line.
Because in the end, it’s about grace and and kindness more than extremes. To be good and to be kind. In your food, your workouts, your actions, and your thoughts. Both to yourself and to everyone else around you.
Because that’s a healthy life for real, at least in my eyes.
Love this philosophy on food and life? You’d love the cookbook then too. And be sure to check out the brand new Food Academy, now open for enrollment, and the seasonal meal plans! Download a free 3 day sample of the current Spring Meal Plan here.
photos by Carina Skrobecki